SOS Style. How To Save Britney: 6 Fashion Tips That Can Save Our Starlet. Second City Style Fashion Blog

I don’t usually spend much time thinking about Britney Spears and neither should you. However, when I heard that even the Superbowl bigwigs turned up their noses at her, I started feeling bad. And with my 2007 resolutions to embody compassion and generosity in mind, I compiled a few pointers for this sinking ship. I can only muster enough momentary sympathy for 6 tips but I am of the opinion that you should add to the list. Come on, I know your can stow the snark for one day (or, fine, try one whole minute) and give her some good fashion advice (leave the life advice to a qualified professional). So, what can this has-been do to go from fashion mess to a must-see?

1/ Get rid of everything. I mean everything. This includes Gap thongs, tracksuits, and the like. I don’t care if you like it or not. Donate it or auction it for charity but have no further contact with it. Break all ties. This advice will seem boring at first and it is but recovery is a process, my dear.

2/ Go to Fashion Week in February, sit with people who know what they’re talking about and LISTEN. Become fashion-literate. Know the difference between Philip Lim and Zac Posen and respect it. These are talented people who know how to make you look interesting and interested (even if you’re not). Fashion is only about “fun” if you are a 13-year old at the mall or if your last name is Beales.

3/Wear black. Lot of black. And other neutrals. And one (yes, only one) accent color until you’ve accomplished tip #5. Oh, but that accent should not be in the form of a hot pink bra peeking through black lace.

Akris Pleated Silk Dress, $2990 at Neiman Marcus

4/Do not wear a skirt that’s more than 2 inches about your knees. Nobody, nobody, nobody wants to see anything above that line. As for pants, you have strong stocky dancer’s legs, honey, and so you should hide the thick angles with long, slimming trouser pants (or even jeans) and heels (see below).

Anlo Pascale Denim Trouser Pants $198 from Intermixonline.com

 

Rebecca Taylor Floral Blouse and Straight Skirt $240 and $225 at Neimanmarcus.com

Cynthia Steffe Pleated Skirt $128 from GirlShop.com

Rachel Roy Bella Pencil-Pleat Skirt from Netaporter.com @ $633

5/Try wearing classic heels and NOT flip-flops or sneakers of any kind for 2 weeks. If you have to move to NYC because it’s too warm in LA to do it, fine. All the better.

Dolce & Gabbana Eel Pumps $515 @ Saks.com

Fendi Peep-Toe Pumps $500 @ Saks.com

Givenchy Pumps, $478.95 @ Zappos

6/Buy designer. My most generous reading of your style is that you like American designers. Fine, there are tons to choose from. Try one of these designers and let him or her help you, help yourself.

Vika Dress, $270 at Second City Style...The Store

Michel Kors Ruched Crepe Dress, $995 @ Saks Fifth Avenue

Donna Karan Convertible Top & Tube Skirt $1295 & $650 @ BergdorfGoodman.com

- By Joanne Molina of Second City Style Magazine

Comments

[megaera]

Always have your hair washed. Face the fact that you are going to be photographed every second spend outside your door, and coif accordingly. Avoid extensions, especially the ratty kind; just get a good dye job (which you'll keep up regularly- NO ROOTS!) and condition the living heck out of your hair. And learn from Ms. Simpson, while being exquisitely polite and generous to your hairstylist of choice, DO NOT spill the details of your entire life while in the shampoo chair.

[Gigi]

Please wear underwear.

[andyshoes]

More than just underwear. Spend some serious time and money and get yourself properly fitted for the appropriate "foundation garments". Nothing says "Trash" like your "girls" flopping about near the bottom of your ribcage.

Yes...Paris Hilton goes without, but she has a much smaller chest.

[Katrina]

Get a stylist! A GOOD one. You can afford it so do yourself a favor and get one.

[keryn]

Great tips! If only Brit could read them! ;)

[Lauren-SCS]

If only she would...sigh. One can only hope.It is sorta fun to see what jaw-dropping skanky outfit she will come up with next though. If she dressed well, what would we do?

[serial snarkalec]

Lose the stupid caps, ALL of them -- trucker, newsboy, baseball, jockey .....

[Monica]

Joanne Molina is so funny! What a darling article! I'm glad to see that someone cares enough to offer some real advice instead of bashing poor Britney. Thanks Joanne Molina for delighting us all with your musings! More Joanne Molina!!!! I want to read more!!!! I hope I can see more of your writing soon! You rock!

[Michele]

I think the first thing Brit should do is step up to the plate and be a MOM!!!! Nothing says train wreck more than the mother of a baby only a few months old partying until all hours of the night.
As far as fashion....get a stylist and if you have one sue them for allowing you to look so bad all the time.
May I also suggest.....No more crazy patterns.

[kara]

please, please britney-- shower regularly (and this includes thoroughly cleaning that hair). get some nice fitting, appropriate clothes and use the naturally great things you have to work with (cute bod, nice face) to your advantage! i never, ever, EVER want to see your cha cha again. you have MORE than enough money to buy a team of people to make you look amazing, so do it! ever heard of a glam squad?! if i was you, i'd have my glam squad surgically attached!

[lori]

Ok, I agree that Britney does need help - but if her awesome legs are supposed to be hidden, what the hell do legs meant to be seen look like?

[Lauren-SCS]

It's not that her legs can't be seen...we are just saying show less of them. I too am athletic and I don't wear super short skirts or shorts that cut right where my leg is most muscular...the upper thigh. Where the line of the skirt ends is where the eye of others focus. Besides there are many great gams out there whose owners wear tasteful skirts that hit just above the knee. For examples look at Charlize Theron and Jennifer Aniston.

[Marie]

I think she should also kick up her beauty routine.. I mean, pick a hair color and go with it... she looked so good when she was either dark brunette or a light blonde.. this YELLOW hair looks so tacky and cheap. Simple and classic solves SO many problems!

[Kelly]

Great advice. Very funny. I think she should also maybe get a guy who knows how to dress. Maybe it will rub off.

[Haute Girl]

hope she reads this! it's great advice!

[allen]

Good advice - the kind that evidently seems lost on our Britney lately - anybody notice her uncanny resemblance to Carol Channing in the shot that tops this article? No offense to Ms. Channing...

[Lauren-SCS]

That is funny! Yet, oddly true.